Be Proud of Who and What You Are, Part Two: Femininity

     So many women are prone to look down on themselves and think they are not good enough.  That trend has become even more noticeable with the rise in feminism and women trying to compete with men.  There is no reason to compete at all.  Women have great value and are equal in value with men even though men and women have different attributes that separate them.

     I want to talk for a bit about what feminism should really mean.  Feminism should be a search for women to magnify the qualities that make them women.  The very qualities that some look down on as being weak are the qualities that make women so wonderful, and amazing.  As a young man seeking a companion in life, I want to find a woman who is ladylike and happy to let me treat her like a lady.

     Let me first talk about some of the things I try to do for the women around me and the reasons I do them.  I have had a few women wonder why I open the door for them or other chivalrous things.  I have been told on more than one occasion something to the effect of "Why do you open the door for me? I can do it myself."  Of course you can open the door yourself.  I don't do it because I think you are incapable of doing it yourself.  I do it because it is one way in which I can say "Hey I think you are pretty special and I want to do something nice for you."  I look up to the women in my life because they have inherent beauty inside of them that I can't begin to comprehend.  I want to put the women I care about on a pedestal and never let anything bad happen to them.  Of course they can take care of themselves and they don't need to me to take care of them, but because I love them I want to do everything I can to help them, and to show that I care.

     Okay now on to what those qualities are that I praise and adore.  Women are much more emotional than men are.  They have a greater capacity to love than I can understand.  For example, their ability to take a child and love, and comfort him/her even when the reason for their sorrow may seem absurd, is incredible.  There have been countless times in my life that my mom did that for me and in hindsight I wonder why I even needed comfort.  My mom didn't laugh, she just loved me.  Women do that much more naturally than men and that is one of the primary reasons that women should be in the home raising children, not because "its a woman's place" or "women's work".  (Note that I am in no way advocating that men be not involved with their children's lives.  On the contrary I think it essential that they are involved.  Men have things to offer the family as well that I will get into in part three of this series.  I myself intend to make regular time for my children during which I put aside everything else just for them.)

     Women are generally more spiritual than men.  In my church at least, there are typically more women than men that are active, especially among the youth.  Being able to trust and believe in something is a great strength.  I have written in other places my views on the necessity of believing in God.

     The last thing I want to talk about that I admire in women is their ability to bear children.  I am sure some of you are thinking "You're raving mad!  Having kids is no picnic."  I know it is not easy, which is one more reason I respect women for being able and willing to do it, and in many cases, joyful.  With all of our scientific might we are still not able to do something that women have been able to do since the beginning of time.  Oh but we can clone.  Isn't that creating life?  Nope.  We just take an egg cell from a female of whatever it is we are trying to clone and then insert some DNA.  Nothing we can make in a lab can compare with the wonders of our own bodies in any way.

     Here is one more thought about giving birth.  I believe that Satan and his followers don't have a body and never will.  They are jealous of all of us who have bodies.  that is one reason why they hate us so much.  Now take that one step further.  Women not only have a body but they can create bodies so that more people can come to earth.  Of course the best place to grow and develop is in a family with a mother and father.  That is the plan that our Heavenly Father has laid out for us.  Makes sense that Satan would fight us so much to destroy families.

Be Proud of Who And What You Are Part One: Men and Women are different yet equal

     Men and Women are different.  Big news flash right?  Unfortunately for some it just might be.  From the feminist movement to the so called decline of men to making words uni-sexual (for example, there are no actors and actresses, there are only actors) men and women are becoming less and less distinguishable.

     To the feminists, and all other women as well, out there: you don't have to act like a man to be equal to one.  Just because you have different qualities doesn't mean you are are any less than men.  Aren't we taught when we are young that its okay to be different and that we shouldn't be ashamed of who we are?  Shouldn't that carry on into adulthood?  We are all different for a reason.  We all have things that make us unique and special that we can give to the world.  So what if 50% of the population is more prone to certain qualities, and the other 50% is prone to certain other qualities. (read: so what if the population can be divided into two main groupings, namely men and women)

     To the men, particularly those of you who may be in the declining part, man up!  I'm all for getting in touch with your feminine side; sometimes we need to be more "feminine" in order to do certain things, women have to be more "masculine" sometimes too.  But don't go overboard.  You are a man so be proud of it.  A favorite TV show of mine says "The Man's Prayer" at the end of every episode.  It is as follows:

I am a man,

but I can change.

If I have to. . .

I guess.

     The good news is you don't have to change.  Hopefully none of you want to.  You shouldn't.

     Men and women will accomplish more together than either of them could ever hope to apart.  Look at a Yin Yang symbol.  The black and white mix together and both have some of the other inside them.  Separate they are limited, but together they form a whole, a circle in fact.  Circles are a symbol of completion.  Men and women are complete only when they come together.  Neither alone is better than the other, but both together are far more than either alone.

Where is Happiness

This is a story I heard in church a week ago.  I'm sure there are many variations of the story but the message is the same.

       "When man was created there were some elves who wanted to cause some mischief for mankind and decided to hide something very special from him-his happiness.  They talked for some time about where to hide it so as to be very difficult for man to find.
A suggestion was made to hide it on the highest mountain peak, but as man was adventurous eventually one would climb and find happiness and share it with all.
A second elf suggested to hide it in the deepest part of the ocean, but another elf said that mankind was too clever and would eventually build a contraption to dive to the deepest depths and find it.
A third elf proposed to hide it on the moon, but it was decided that man was brave and always exploring new territory and would eventually find his way to the moon.
Finally a wise old elf came up with the perfect solution.  They would hide happiness inside man himself.  In all his searching in the universe man would surely never think to look inside himself to find happiness."

All too often we forget that happiness is to be found in us not in stuff.  It's best found with other people, especially when we are working to make them happy instead of worrying about ourselves.

Repentance and Moving Onward

After going through some tough times and making a few mistakes in my life I found myself wanting to go back to the way things were.  I was continually frustrated because, although I didn't see it initially, you simply can't go back to how things used to be.  As Frodo says near the end of The Lord of The Rings "How do pick up the threads of an old life?  How do you go on?  But in your heart you begin to realize that there is no going back."  The only way we move is forward; that doesn't mean its always in a good direction or the way we want to go, just that we only go forward, never back.

Finally I realized one day that repentance and the atonement of Jesus Christ doesn't change the past.  The Lord tells us that when we repent we are forgiven and he doesn't remember our sins anymore (Doctrine and Covenants 58:42).  In his wisdom he allows us to remember our sins; He wants us to continue to learn from them and to not repeat them so he doesn't take away the memory of them, only the pain and guilt.  As the prophet Alma the younger said of his conversion "I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more." (The Book of Mormon, Alma 36:19)  Clearly he remembered the things he had done but wasn't weighed down with guilt and pain anymore.  The atonement allows us to move forward in spite of our mistakes.

It amazes me how much the Lord loves us.  He allows us the chance to grow and improve, and eventually to return to him, even though we make mistakes.

Embrace Your True Self

Why is it that some people are afraid to be themselves?  Why are some afraid to let their true selves shine?  I myself sometimes struggle with being who I really am, but have learned to be comfortable in my own skin just as I am, though it usually takes a little time to adjust.  Often when I get into a new area or meet new people I am shy and don't let people see the real me.  However it has rarely turned out bad when I relax and be myself.

I personally am often worried about being thought of as weird and not fitting in with others.  I think that's the main reason that people are sometimes afraid to be themselves.  They have a fear of rejection.  We want people to like us, and so we do what we think they want us to do rather than we want to do.

The truth of the matter is that people like us best when we like ourselves best-when we are exactly who we are and not hiding beneath masks.  No matter how odd some of our characteristics may seem we can almost always find someone who is just like us, and those that aren't usually appreciate the differences that make us unique.

Not only are we happier when we don't hide from the world we are also more productive.  Whether its a quiet environment or one with lots of noise we all have our comfort zones.  In order to grow we sometimes have to go outside of our comfort zones, but we also need time inside our comfort zones.  I for one am fairly introverted and like quiet and calm to work in.  My best ideas usually come when I have no one to talk to but myself, often on walks.  Ideas will come to me when I am in loud groups as well, but they often develop fully when I have time to reflect by myself.

Whatever it is that you are, embrace it.  Don't be ashamed if you are different than most people.  You are the way you for a reason.  You have talents and abilities that no one else has-let them shine.

My Values: Truth

Truth is how things really are.  We are constantly searching for truth and coming ever closer to it.  Truth doesn't change with time or popular trends.  We can try to change it, but in trying to do so we often change ourselves.  It is when we try to challenge truth that we learn what it really is and let it help us.  Sometimes we find something greater than what we thought was true such as people exploring the world and finding it was round and not flat.  Other times we find that the truth is solid and we change ourselves.

Truth can come from many sources-science, religion, philosophy and others.  Where it comes from doesn't matter.  If it really is true, then it won't conflict with other sources.

Often we have to work with the best option available and then later find a more complete view.  It's okay to take small steps to finding truth as long as we don't give up the search before we find the real truth.  Once we find truth we can use the knowledge to help us be happier, better people.

As important, if not more so, as searching for truth is dealing in truth.  We must seek to be honest in all our dealings with others.

My Values: Service

There aren't nearly enough acts of kindness in the world anymore.  Simple acts of service can make unimaginable differences.  Acts as simple as smiling at someone and asking how their day has been.  We often don't see the far reaching effects of our deeds.  For example the person that we smile and talk to for a while may in turn decide to reconnect with an old friend that thought no one cared, and was on the verge of leaving this world.  In chaos theory its called the butterfly effect-small acts causing huge changes such as a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a string of events that results in a tornado on the other side of the world.

In the movie pay it forward the main character makes a plan to change the world by doing acts of kindness for three people who rather than pay him back are supposed to do three more acts of kindness and so on until everyone in the world as been touched by an act of kindness.  Who's to say that such a thing couldn't really happen?  It could.  It starts with a single act.

Simply thinking about doing good deeds isn't enough.  "We have to actually do them.  The smallest good deed is greater than the greatest good intention." "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."  I don't know who was the first those great words but the message is worth thinking about.

What good deeds will we do?  How will we change our world for good?