Fighting for a Just Cause

The last verse of The Star Spangled Banner says "conquer we must, when our cause it is just, and this be our motto: in God is our trust." I dislike confrontation, and much prefer peaceful coexistence. However, there are times when we must conquer others and their ideas. 

Recently I have gained an interest in an organization called Operation Underground Railroad. They rescue children from horrible people who sell them for sex. It is one of the most vile crimes I can imagine. On the other hand, those who save the children are some of my biggest heroes. 

This is a cause I believe to be just. This is a cause I can fight for. I know there's not much I can do, but I want to do what little I can. For me that means raising awareness and support for the jump teams that enter dangerous situations to rescue the children, as well as those who care for the children after they are rescued. 

I also want to fight against pornography. Every person who is involved with this heinous crime started on their path toward darkness with pornography. Of course not everyone who views pornography will become a seller or buyer of children for sex, but it is nevertheless as much a gateway drug as alcohol and tobacco. Except that the draw of pornography may be even stronger than many drugs. 

The world may have a lot of problems, but there are also many good things. And I at least am going to fight for them, trusting in almighty God to help me.

Sticking Your hand in a Blackhole

So I was doing an interesting thought experiment today that I wanted to share with you all. What would happen if you had a minature blackhole next to you and you decided to stick your hand into it? Would you be pulled in and disappear for ever? Would your hand be ripped off instantly? Or would something else happen? A similar situation is to have a space ship just outside a blackhole's event horizion and then extend a rod into the blackhole.

I think that your hand or the rod would be ripped off. As you know (or soon will) once an object or even light crosses a blackhole's event horizon it can never escape. An extremity extended past this point would be spagettified and ripped from your body or spaceship as gravity pulled one way and you pulled the other. If the extended object had a tensile strength great enough to endure the opposing forces then you would also be pulled in.

There would be no escape for the object thus extended. If the object's tensile strength was sufficient and did not break then you and the extension would act as a single body and once it reached the event horizon you would also have reached the event horizon and there you would meet your doom of being stretched into a chain of single molecules. If you were able to escape with the extension then you had not actually crossed the event horizon. There is no return from a blackhole.

This led me to question if the event horizon is really more of a continuum than a single border with snaller objects  able to escape with less energy having an event horizon that is closer than larger objects. Though perhaps the event horizon is simply the point beyond which nothing regardless of mass or energy expended can escape.

I think this experiment could be simulated using a very strong magnet and a magnetic material.

At any rate it was fun to think about.

Attuning our Lives to the Music

     Recently after my wife and I completed our scripture study together I found myself surfing the web on my phone. I glanced at my wife and noticed she was doing the same thing. Later that night we reflected on it, noting that although we had talked earlier about how much we just wanted to be home and with each other, we both chose to pursue activities that drew us away from the other.

     That same night I told my wife about a race of people in a book I was read, the Parshendi in The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. The Parshendi , meaning listeners in their tongue, are constantly in tune with music. Whether they are talking to others, thinking alone, fighting or any other activity they have a rhythm such as amusement, irritation and others. A Listener that s attuned to a given rhythm will be perfectly in rhythm and tune with any other Listener who is attuned to that particular rhythm. Their songs give depth to their lives, by helping to convey feeling when speaking, strengthening resolve, by attuning to the rhythm of resolve, mourn, by attuning to the rhythm of mourning, and much more.

     We may not have the superhuman ability of the Parshendi to inherently feel rythms in everything we do, but our lives can have so much more depth if we try to be in tune with what's going on around us. I have often wondered what experiences I, or others, miss by constantly distracting our selves with music, audio books, using our phones and computers, or in other ways preventing our selves from really living in the moment. How many times have missed an opportunity to feel the rhythm of friendship because we were so intent on listening to the cacophony of our phone screen? How many beautiful sights have we missed because we were just too busy to enjoy them, and experience the incredible rhythm of nature?

     I try not to think about it. Doing so makes me feel ashamed.

     Fortunately I have been blessed with a wife who loves nature. With her help I have begun to learn to appreciate the wonders of the earth. She helps me remember to slow down and take time to be still, and simply enjoy life. Being able to fully live in the moment and let the rhythm of the experience, whatever it may be, fully wash over us may take time and effort to do, but it is worth. We owe it to ourselves to do it.

     Why? Isn't it good to read the latest books and news articles? Isn't it fun to use social media and watch endless youtube videos? Sure. I'm not going to try and contest that those things have their place, but not when it stops other things from having theirs. If we are to reach our greatest potential as individuals, we must learn to feel all the rhythms of life, and not let any one of them become too strong.

     I am a practitioner of Shorinji Kenpo. It's very difficult for me to focus and practice if I am too busy listening to whatever my earbuds pump out. Only by removing distractions and giving myself the chance to feel the rhythm of practice, of resolve or of discipline can I hope to really get good.

     As the general conference address The Music of the Gospel explains, while we can go through the motions, for the gospel to really mean something we have to hear the music.

     Every aspect of our lives can be improved if we stop distracting our selves at every turn and learn to hear the music.

Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, But it Enables it

    There's a common adage that says that money can't buy happiness.  Earning large amounts of money won't bring happiness.  Saving large amounts of money, as Ebenezer Scrooge of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol did, won't bring happiness.  However if money is not used to enable happiness then it is really of very little value.
     There is of course money's usage to provide the necessities of life, but I don't think there is any real discussion there.  At least not one I'm interested in.  I'm more interested in how money can be used for good and to bring about happiness.  In the last year or so I've adopted a philosophy of "it's only money".  I have had opportunities to help others achieve happiness and the only real barrier to me was time and money.  By saying "it's only money" I mean that there was really no reason I shouldn't have used money at those times.  I am quite capable of getting more money.  As Charlie's grandfather says in Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory": "There's plenty of money in the world.  They print more of it everyday."
     One of those experiences occurred when I was faced with a choice of going home for a family event or staying in Logan where I lived.  I tried to justify to myself that I had recently been home and there was really no reason for me to go home again so soon.  After some thought I decided that family was more important and that it was worth sacrificing for.  I had the time and the money to do it, so I decided I should do it.
     Another experience was with a cousin of mine who was struggling a little financially.  I owed her gas money and when I found out that she really needed it because she was waiting for her paycheck to come and needed food I gave her the rest of the money in my wallet.  It wasn't much, but it helped her.  I reasoned that I had it and she needed it.  It felt good to be able to help her out.
     More recently I came across a game that my brother enjoys playing and so I went and bought it.  I enjoyed the game as well and thought that if it was something I could do with my brother and that he could do with the rest of our family, then it was more than worth it.
     In all of those cases money didn't buy happiness, but it enabled it.  When I made the trip home or when I played that game with my brother I created memories, and built relationships.  When I helped out my cousin, I was able to serve her, and as King Mosiah teaches: "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of you God"
     Money can mean many things to many people.  To some it is power.  To others it is stability. And to still others it is simply a means of providing necessities and sustaining life.  To me, money's greatest value comes when it is used in the service of others; in enabling happiness.

Rules? I Like Rules

     Yes I could be called one of those goody two shoes kind of guys.  Yes I have been accused of being a rule nazi (especially when it comes to my favorite games such as Settler of Catan).  I've been called old fashioned and just about every other name you can think of for someone who actually likes the rules and tries to follow them.  I've had arguments/discussions over rules with mission companions, coworkers, family, and old girlfriends.  And at the end of the day I choose to follow rules, to understand them, and to be grateful for them.
     Recently at my job I had an experience that made me especially grateful for a rule that was in place and the safety it represented.  I work on an assembly line and am required to wear safety glasses.  They are uncomfortable and sometimes get dirty making it hard to see.  Also no one looks good in safety glasses.  While placing a bolt and a nut using a wrench and a pneumatic drill I lost my grip on the wrench and the drill threw the wrench at my face.  It hurt, but not nearly as much as it could have had I not been wearing safety glasses.  At best I would have gotten a black eye and at worst I would have lost my eye entirely.  Either way I am grateful for the rule requiring me to wear safety glasses.
     A past girlfriend of mine really liked to break "minor" rules.  She hated when I would set rules for us, and we inevitably argued about them.  She would often ask if I trusted her to keep us out of trouble or if I trusted myself to do the same.  I would often reply that I didn't trust myself.
     I really do trust myself; I trust myself to make a smart choice before hand and not put myself in a position to get in trouble.  I trust myself to make guidelines for my behavior so my weaknesses are covered.  In this case not making out, because I knew it would become very difficult to not move on other things that I would sincerely regret.
     A soldier trusts his gun and his aim, but that doesn't mean he's going to walk behind enemy lines.  He's going to stay far away from danger and confront the enemy on his terms (really it's the terms of his commander who knows more than he does, but that's a topic for another day).
     In the case of my girlfriend I usually gave in to her and nothing good ever came of it.  I made some mistakes that I wish I could take back.  I often felt enormous amounts of guilt and self loathing because I knew I was better than that.  Eventually, with help (thanks Mom), I broke up with her.  It took a long time to overcome the depression that ensued because I wasn't true to myself and I didn't do what I knew was right.
     I like rules because they keep me safe.  They keep me from danger.  They keep me happy.  Some rules it's true, have no real purpose.  Rules made by evil people designed to enslave others should be fought against.  In general, however, rules have good reasons for existing.  They summarize knowledge and experience that has been passed on from one person to another.
     Safety rules at work protected me from serious harm.  Rules I had made or borrowed from my religious leaders would have kept me much happier.  Dieting rules keep a person healthy.
     If you don't like a rule, perhaps it is because you don't understand it.  If you don't like it or don't agree with it, question it.  Ask why it exists.  What purpose does it serve?  How can following this rule benefit me?  A smart person learns from his own mistakes, and a genius learns from the mistakes of others.  A genius would recognize that rules often arise from the mistakes of others, and by adhering to the rule, avoid similar mistakes.
     Sometimes rules simply provide order.  There is a rule (sadly on its way out) that says: "ladies first."  Have you ever tried walking through a door at the same time as another person?  Or awkwardly had a nonverbal argument about who goes first for something?  Allowing ladies first simplifies things.  The follow up that may have once followed this simple rule is: "elders first." (generally summed up in "respect your elders and betters)  Sometimes you won't know who is older and you still have problems, but if it helps at least the majority of the time I think it is worth following.  I heard it said once that rules are the grease of society.  They reduce friction and conflict.
     Next time you find yourself fighting against some rule, take a step back and try to understand it, rather than complain that it is a construct of some high-up paper pusher, male chauvinist pig, God, or whoever to constrain you and cramp your style.  Who knows, you may just like what you find.

Meaningful Intimacy on all Levels

     I heard once there were five different types of intimacy: spiritual, intellectual, emotional, social, and physical.  Hopefully none of these need much explanation, but maybe I'll write some posts about each one some day.  Today I want to talk about how understanding and balancing them can lead to greater happiness in our relationships.
     Disclaimer: I am a single guy and haven't actually been in too many relationships, but I want to share what I've learned from the few I've been in.
     In a past relationship my girlfriend and I focused too much on the physical side of things.  I don't think we would have stayed together even if we had done things differently, but perhaps there would have been fewer problems and heartache.
     After I broke up with her I thought a lot about what I wanted in a relationship.  For a while I didn't really care about the physical part of a relationship because things had gone so haywire.  As time went on I decided that I do want that, but I want it in proper balance with the other four areas.  It is my humble opinion that only when all five balance out can we find the greatest happiness in relationships.  How those balance out is between you and your significant other.  I won't even pretend to know how to help you find that balance, except in a general sense.  Not until I've done significantly more research and observation anyway.
       In general relationships will work better when both focus on the first four areas.  If all you care about is physical intimacy you can be satisfied with anyone.  Anyone can hold your hand or kiss and so forth.  But you want more than that.  You want physical intimacy to mean something.  If you are new in your relationship you don't want to feel awkward.
     Focus on the first four and whatever physical intimacy you have will come naturally.  You won't feel awkward and it will be much more meaningful.
     A wise man (a former bishop of mine actually) once told me that "romance was the icing on the cake or the seasoning of a meal."  Physical intimacy on any level is the seasoning, that while important won't sustain you.  You need to have a strong base to a relationship.  Learn to connect with your significant other on the other four levels.  Build your relationship on that base and when you get old and fat and ugly it won't matter.  The things that your relationship is built on will still be there.  When you look for someone to share life with, find someone that you connect with on those four levels.
     I'm still waiting to find someone to build that kind of relationship with, but I know that when I find her it will be well worth the wait.  And when I find her, the effort to strengthen that base will be worth the effort.

Move Quickly, Not Fast

     The idea for this post comes from The Book of Five Rings attributed to Musashi Miyamoto, a legendary 17th century swordsman of Japan. To those of you interested in Eastern philosophy it is an interesting read, and not very long either.
     So many people are in a rush to do everything.  It's a good idea to not waste time and to be efficient it's true, but there is a difference between moving fast and moving quickly to not waste time. Too often I think people worry about moving fast, rather than moving quickly.  I am generally not a fast person.  I mostly move slowly and steadily through whatever I am doing, not because I want to drag it out, but because I am simply not a fast person in general.  However I can be quick, moving from one task to another smoothly and efficiently. (I don't pretend that I always act quickly, but I can when I need to.)
     Moving fast isn't really something you can control. To a certain degree you can work to imrove your speed, but in general it is something you are born with. Moving quickly on the other hand is a matter of choice.
     Moving quickly means not wasting time between tasks and not deliberating over choices. When you make a choice go forth with resolve and accomplish whatever task you set yourself with. Don't waste time wondering what would happen if you went with a different route. I don't mean that you shouldn't take ample time to make a good choice, but once you decide upon a path go with it.
     On the other hand one can rush through everything, trying to get as much done as possible, but often making mistakes along the way. This is what I mean by not moving fast. Take care in accomplishing a tast and do it well. Once that task is done move on without wasting time in between one task and the next.

Leadership is a Big Game of Chess

     I wish I could recall the circumstances that led to this particular thought. I was talking to someone, probably my mother, about leadership and I thought that being a leader is like playing big game of chess.
     Chess is a game that I enjoy playing and wish I was good at, but have never gotten very serious about, despite the fact that many of my friends think I must be good at chess.  It's a very strategic game made of many pieces each with very unique attributes. A good chess player knows his pieces, their strengths and weaknesses, the playing field, and his end goal.
     Every piece in chess is different and has special ways of acting that no make it valuable. A good chess player knows that each, if used properly can be used to great advantage, even those that seem to be less important.
     The people we lead come in all varieties, from those who take center stage to those that are content to do their job in the background and not be noticed, to those who are afraid to share what they have to give.  A leader needs to get to know each of his "pieces", their strengths and weakness. Don't overlook anyone. From pawn to king, each has something to contribute if you know how to use them.
     A chess player knows the game board.  I don't mean just knowing that there are 64 squares of alternating colors. I mean knowing what positions are most important to hold, which are best for offense and which for defense. The best chess players know the board so well that they can play without even looking at the board. By using chess notation a strong player knows where all of his and his opponents pieces are in relation to eachother. He knows who is in danger and who is in a position to attack.
     Whatever our playing field is we must know it thoroughly. Perhaps we lead a nation and need to know what areas are safe and secure and which are under imminent threat. Perhaps we lead a small group of people on a campout and need to know where we can set up tents and what and where poison ivy grows.
     Perhaps the most important thing to know in a game of chess or in a leadership position is the goal. In chess it is simple: capture the opponent's king, and protect your own. For leaders it can be anything from helping to chop firewood for winter to leading your troops through enemy terrain.  Whatever it is it must be understood by leaders, or else little or nothing can be accomplished.
     When a leader understands each of these basic principles and brings them together he can accomplish great things.  He can maximise the effectiveness of those he leads and make them more together than any of them could be alone.

Start with what you know

     I am currently a college student studying electrical engineering.  Recently I came across a problem that I had no idea how to solve.  I looked through the book hoping to find some sort of inspiration, but to no avail.  There was only one thing to do.  I wrote down what I knew from the problem statement and set out to squeeze as much as information as I could out of the few details provided to me.  After a few lines a solution opened up to me and I was able to complete the problem.
     Another example of this happened when I was trying to fix my car.  Initially it was thought that the starter had died and needed to be replaced.  I wasn't sure where the starter was locacted to even begin working with it.  I thought that maybe I should start with the battery and then follow the cables until it led me to the starter, but I wasn't sure if that path would be productive.  I called my dad for advice and he confirmed my suspicion that following the battery cables would lead me to the starter.
     I followed the battery cables, but still wasn't sure if what I had found was the starter so I called someone else who could come look at my car and give me more direct help.  The first thing my friend did was to check the battery.  I had already tried jumping the car with no luck and was convinced that it must be the starter.  We removed the battery and went to get it tested.  The voltage low enough that the battery wouldn't charge from being jumped by another car, and so we had the battery trickle charged.  After an hour I recieved a call saying that the battery was beyond hope, but that because I was still under the warranty I could get a new battery free of charge.
     I learned an important lesson from these experiences; one that will serve me well in my engineering career and in life in general.  Start with what you know.  It seems like a simple thing, but there is often great power in simple things.
     In solving most any problem you can organize what is given to you and then you can expand what is given using what you already know until you are able to solve the problem.  In solving my engineering problems it is often necessary to rearrange information and look at it in a different way.  I have to keep my mind open and be willing to do work that may not directly help me to solve the problem, but leads me to other options that do allow me to discover a solution.
     I am not always able to solve the problem at hand immediately, but rather am shown what questions I must ask so that I can solve the problem.
     I have found that this is also an excellent way to learn new things.  Find something that interests you and, using what you know, make your best guess about what it is and how it works and then proceed to fill in the gaps.
     To continue on with the example of an engine.  My younger brother recieved a dirt bike for Christmas.  It needs some repairs to make it run and so my brother and I get to work on it together.  I have a little knowledge of how an engine works and by applying what little I know I can see what else there is to know.  If I were to simple look at it and guess how to fix it I would be at a complete loss, but by knowing that gas and oxygen need to mix together and be ignited by a spark I can check if that process is happening correctly.  If it is I can move on to the next thing I know, if not I can learn more about that process and fix it.  
     Some problems may take more work and ingenuity than others, but with any problem, you have to start somewhere, so you might as well start with what you know.

First Dates

     The first date.  For some it's simple and easy.  For others it can be one of the most nerve wracking experiences known to man.  And why shouldn't it be? You face an entire evening (or monring or whatever time of day you choose) with a person that you hardly know.  You probably think they are good looking and could be a fun person, or maybe a deep thinker, or the sporty type.  It's a mystery just begging to be solved.  And so we go on a date and see what happens.
     The funny thing is, after that first date you still know nothing about the person!  Sure you can spout off a few random facts about them, but that doesn't tell you anything, and no one really remembers any of that stuff.
     It takes time to really get to know someone.  On a first date no one is really themself.  You have to learn how they really are when they are comfortable enough to be themself.  You have to learn what's really important to them.
     You can't learn enough about a person to decide if you want to be in a relationship with them or not on a first date.  And yet we try to do it all the time.  We try to learn all the superficial stuff at first and then decide if we like that person.
     All that stuff should really come later.  Or rather it will come later.  As a relationship build you will eventually learn all the little details, like their favorite movie, their favorite memory from childhood, who their first grade teacher was.  You'll never stop learning the little things about a person.
     But how can we do it differently?  How can you open up to a person when you first meet them to let them get to know you?  Maybe you can't.  What you can do is this: give it time.  Don't jump to conclusions about people until you get to know them.  Give them a chance to be with you without having any expectations, just go on dates to have fun and see where things go.
     You can certainly build a friendship without having romantic interest.  On the other hand you can't really build a lasting relationship without a foundational friendship.  Frienship is a much more durable commodity than romance.  And when the going gets tough what you really need is a friend, not someone to cuddle, though hugs are certainly helpful after a rough day.
     So go on dates and be friends.  Don't make it more complicated than it really is.  Maybe it won't lead to marriage, but if you can gain a friend, then it is worth it.

Wonder

     Wonder. Awe. Marvel.  These are just a few words I could use to describe one of my favorite feelings.  And yet I am not sure that any of them really capture the spirit of what I feel.  I hope that through the words I share here that you can capture something of the vision I have.
     If I were to choose a beginning to this particular story I suppose the best place to start would be in the summer of 2011.  The feeling of course goes back much further than that and I may have even contemplated it before, but that summer had a few experiences that make it as good a time as any to start.  I worked at Island Park Scout Camp that summer.  I was the director of the Trail to Eagle,which was designed to help scouts complete their first few ranks through 1st class.  As part of my assignment I had to teach the scouts a large variety of skills.  The one pertinent to this story was that of plant identification.  It was during that time that I started to really appreciate the wide variety and beauty of nature.  Lord Baden Powell summed it up wonderfully in a farewell letter to the scouts of the world that was published after his death. "Nature study will show you how full of beautiful and wonderful things God has made the world for you to enjoy.   Be contented with what you have got and make the best of it.   Look on the bright side of things instead of the gloomy one."  I had the opportunity to read that as part of our honor trail at the camp.  I made a goal to study nature more and learn to identify more plants.  I have not learned any more plants since that time, but I try to be more conscious of the world as I go throughout my day.  At any rate it started a way of approaching life that I do my best to live to this day.
     I wish I could say that there was an immediate change in my life after that summer, but the next several months turned out to be a very dark time for me and the seed lay dormant.  When I began to come out of the darkness and back into the light, I decided I wanted to make changes in my life; I didn't want to be the same person I had been.  I wanted to live a fuller life and see just how far I could go.  In truth I had had similar thoughts in many periods of my life, but after having been very nearly destroyed I had a unique opportunity to rebuild myself.  I simply felt that I was capable of doing amazing things with my life and I didn't want to lose any opportunities because I wasn't living my life in a way to take advantage of them.
     In the spring of 2013 I took an institute class in which my teacher taught us that we should live our lives' in crescendo.  In life we are either improving or we are declining; there is no stagnation.  We should live each day a little better than the one before.  The lessons he taught about living in crescendo that semester resonated with me in a way few things had.  I wanted to become all that God intended me to be.  I wanted to live my life in such a way that nothing could hinder my progression, and that would enable me to recieve every blessing my Heavenly Father had in store for me.
     I began to see the world through new eyes, partly because I was laying aside anything that would hinder my spirit and partly because I was making a determined effort to see and experience all the amazing things this world has to offer.  The best word I can find to describe what I felt is "wonder".  It's the feeling I get when I learn something new and I become totally immersed  in what I'm studying, and I just can't stop; When I take time to really admire the beauty of creation; the range of emotions that good music can inspire; the feeling when some beautiful divine truth is made manifest in a new way.
     I can't very well describe that feeling, but it makes me feel as if nothing is impossible; as if I'm not even in this world and my spirit yearns to leave mortal bounds and go onward to infinite.  It's a feeling of pure joy and exhilaration; one of not being weighed down by anything.  I crave that feeling.  I don't always do things that let me feel it, and sometimes I let it get lost in the hustle and bustle of living.
     I wish I could find some way to let you inside my head and show you what I want to say.  As hard as I try I can find no words that don't feel like an injustice.  Although I cannot express my thoughts adequately, I may be successful if you feel something inside you that you also cannot express, but that you recognize.  It's something that we all feel at times in our lives, but that we often miss because we aren't looking for it.  Please, live in crescendo, look for the wonder in life, grab life by the horns or however you want to say it.  Don't let anything stop you.  Set your spirit free and let it fly.

The Really Important Things in Life

     As of the time of writing I am in my junior year of electrical engineering-which means I am busy. It also meas my classes are really hard right now. As a result I have often questioned if I am going to pass my classes and become an engineer at all. I have learned that whether or not I do isn't really all that important. If I am unsuccessful in this endeavor then I will find another way to provide for myself and the family I will someday have. One way or another I will be able to meet my financial obligations and provide the necessities of life. So then what does matter?
     What really matters is that I am still a son of God and a bearer of his priesthood. This also is one thing that no one can take away from me. I can lose almost everything in this life, my job, mobility, even my mind can be lost, but I will ALWAYS be a son of God. As long as I am living my life the way I know that I should, which is solely dependent upon my own actions and not on any outside force, I will hold the priesthood of my Heavenly Father, and be able to use it to bless others.
     I will keep on working toward my degree, and I believe I will accomplish my desire and become an electrical engineer. No matter what happens I am glad that I have come to such a clear understanding of what really matters in life. Even if I don't earn my bachelor's degree as planned, I have grown in ways I never thought I would as a result of my educational pursuits.
     I am eternally grateful for the perspective that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has given me. I know it is God's true church and nothing will bring us greater happiness than following by the principles taught by God's servants, both living and those of ancient time.

Make the Covenant, Enter Into it, and Have it Sealed by the Spirit of Promise

This is a follow up to another article about marriage as a stepping stone.  If you haven't read it click here

     In the Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints section 132 vs 7 we read "And verily I say unto you, that the conditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this  power in the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead."

     The three words I want to focus on are: make, enter, and seal.

     When we enter the temple we make a covenant with God and with our spouse.  It is a simple event that only takes a few minutes to do.

     Once we have made the covenant we have to enter into it.  By this I mean that we continually work to improve our relationship with our spouse and grow and become one.

     After we have worked and grown in marriage, then the Spirit of Promise can come and seal our marriage covenant.  It is then that we are sealed and promised that we will be united forever.

Marriage is a Stepping Stone

"Marriage.  That blessed event.  That dream within a dream"

     These few lines from the movie "The Princess Bride" make marriage sound as if it is the cure to all of life's problems.  Most of us know this is far from the truth, but I think there are a few who still see marriage as an end.  Others may say it is only a beginning.  I say it is a stepping stone.

     I used to think that marriage was the end result of a successful relationship.  During my last relationship I began to think of it in a new light.  I wanted to take that relationship as far as it could go, and in my mind that meant marriage.  However as my relationship progressed I realized that relationships go much further than marriage.  If done right the process of learning, growing, and falling ever deeper in love never stops.  The best couples I know are still learning about eachother, even after thirty or more years of marriage!

     I have long known that humans are not static beings, so why would human relationships be so?  They aren't!  Two people are either becoming closer or they are drifting apart.  There are periods of both in any relationship, but the goal is to come closer and closer in the long run.

     With that thought in mind marriage then becomes merely a stepping stone in a relationship.  It shows the man and woman, and the world their commitment to each other.  It also opens the door for a family to begin and greater growth and deeper joy than either of them could ever hope to acchieve by themselves.  From that small step the process continues onward forever, as husband and wife slowly, but surely become one.

     I delve further into this idea with a more spiritual tone, drawing from my religious beliefs here.

Stop Waiting For Life to Begin

     I once read an article directed towards women that advised them not to wait around for prince charming. Although they were still encouraged to marry, they should do more than wait for some dashing young man to sweep them off their feet and solve all their problems.

     I firmly agree with that and its further application to all people.  None of us should sit around waiting and wondering "when will my life begin?"

     Although I have been going to school and preparing to become an electrical engineer, I realized that I was waiting to meet my princess and begin a family.  Its good of course to want to marry, but it had nearly become the sole purpose of my existence.  I had been saying to myself without realizing it, that once I was able to marry and start a family, then my life would really begin, I just had to be patient.

     After a rather painful breakup I began to realize what I was doing.  I decided that I needed to stop waiting for my life to begin and make it begin!  I needed to take advantage of every opportunity to grow and devolop myself, whether single or married.

     How many of us have let opportunity pass us by because we were waiting for something else?  I personally would rather not think about how many opportunitites I lost, because I was waiting for something else instead of seizing the gift right in front of me.  Now is the time to change all of that.  Today is the day to make myself into the man I want to be.  While I believe I will grow in many and unexpected ways when I do marry, there is no reason why I cannot be my own person now.  In fact it is probably essential to finding the greatest happiness I can in marriage that I work to make myself as complete and refined a man as I can.

     Don't let another opportunity slip past because you are waiting for something.  Take charge of your life and when opportunity knocks, invite it in for a drink.  When another one comes by, invite it in as well and make it a party.  If it seems that your house is empty of such guests, then make an opportunity for yourself.  At all times strive to develop, learn, and grow.

Perfect Effort

     As I was walking to church today and thinking about life and how I wanted to change and not be so critical of myself I had this thought: "98% of the time I can't get perfect results, but I can give perfect effort."

     For most of my life I have held very high expectations of myself.  I often compared myself to others and was also critical of others.  It wasn't really that I meant to be offensive or thought that the person was doing a bad job I would just think how they could do it better.  I have a very analytic  mind and it is natural for me to see something or someone and take it apart in my mind, either to see how it works or how to make it better. (I often take real things apart to see how they work as well.  I'm a stereotypical engineer)
 
     Being so critical of myself and expecting perfection of myself has led to lots of pain for me.  I was a perfectionist and it was hurting me.  I should say is hurting me because it is still something I am working on.  This last week has been really hard for me and I have been struggling to be happy instead of focusing on the negative aspects of my life.  I decided that I should try to worry more about the effort I am putting into something and make sure I am simply doing my best at it, regardless of how it turns out.

     Its good to reach for the stars and to try to be the best I can, but not when it damages me.  My branch president encouraged me to simply let go.  He said I should go float on a river and just let the river take me wherever it wanted to go, but to do that with my mind.  He said it is good that my mind works the way it does, but I don't have to be that way all the time.  Sometimes I need to just go with the flow.

     In the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible it says "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."  There are times that I need to use my mind's full capacity and work as hard as I can, and there are other times that I need to slow down and not worry.

     I need to recognize that some things really don't matter in the long run and just go with whatever sounds good at the time, enjoy the moment, and then move on.  There are also some things that I can't do anything about so I need to just let them go and not worry.

     Some day I, and every other person, will be perfect in all things, but in the mean time I just need to try my best no matter the outcome, and be happy with life.

Life's a balancing act

     How many of us have ever struggled to find balance in life?  Whether it be balancing time at work vs time with family, balancing study, social life and sleep, or whatever.  Life is full of tasks and activities vying for our attention and trying to get everything done can be a challenge.
     For most of us the balancing act doesn't end with time management either.  I try to balance my personal development, and not focus too much in one area and not at all in another.  I try to balance my life goals.  Balance having fun and letting loose vs trying to be able to take life seriously and think deeply about things and just be me.
     Often times I think of balance as being static; as if once I find this perfect, happy medium that everything will be great and I'll never have to worry again.  At least I used to think like that.  I realize now that balance is very dynamic.  When a person is "standing still" they are really making hundreds of micro-adjustments to their stature so that they stay balanced.  Fortunately our brains are very good at this so we don't have to consciously think about adjusting ourselves, its automatic.
     Life is the same.  We don't find one perfect way of dealing with everything and then never change again.  We constantly change ourselves and adjust to meet all of life's demands.  Take life one step at a time on a case by case basis.  Do what must be done, when it must be done.
     "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose on the heaven;" (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Myths, Legends and Truth

     Why do we make stories about extraordinary people?  People who have abilities that could never happen or people with ordinary abilities that do extraordinary things?
     I began to think about these questions after watching a movie about wizards and magic.  People all around the world from the beginning of time have created legends and stories about incredible people and incredible deeds.  From stories about gods and titans to fairy tales to stories about completely average kids who have an unbelievable adventure playing baseball and facing a nemesis known as "The Beast".
     I believe it is because we are searching for something.  Two things actually.  We are trying to find something greater than ourselves, and we are trying to find out who we are.
     A quote from a movie says "I had a professor once who liked to tell his students there were only ten different plots in all of fiction.  Well I am here to tell you he was wrong.  There is only one. . . 'Who am I?'"  Every story we tell is simply us trying to find out who we are.  We make up stories to explore ourselves and the world, values and morals in order to find what resonates with us; what feels right; what will give us a clue as to who we are.
     Our stories give us a chance to escape.  For a time we are free.  In the world of our imagination we can be whoever or whatever we want to be.  There are no rules.  It is the perfect place for us to explore life.  If we try one set of ideas and things don't work then we know that that is not who we are and nothing is lost.
     Inside each of us there is a yearning to make sense of life.  We long to understand, not only who we are, but why are things the way they are.  Is there any rhyme or reason?  Is there a plan?  Is there anything beyond what at times seems to be a dreary and tiresome journey?
     We all hope that there is, and though we can't explain why, we all feel that there must be something out there if we could only find it.  The Greeks made stories of gods who ruled the world and created man.  Other cultures made stories of powerful beings full of wisdom that were able to give guidance to those who sought it.  In our day there is an infinite variety of ways to imagine something that is better than what is around us.
     The bottom line of both questions, "Who am I?" and "Is there something out there that is in control?" comes from the same feelings that make us create all forms of art, to make something better than it was before, and to try to do good things for others.  We know instinctively that we must have come from somewhere, and wherever that somewhere is there must be a something, whether it be some great unknowable power or a being much like ourselves, but all powerful, that guides the universe.
     My goal here is not say what is out there ruling the universe or to tell you how to find the answer to any questions.  I only say that there must be something out there and there must be answers to all of our questions.

I recommend the reader read "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis.  I also recommend the reader investigate The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. That is the church to which I belong, and which I believe to be true and able to answer all of life's questions.

Slow Down

     So many people move much too fast in this world.  I don't mean running or speeding, but dashing about from one task or project to another, always in constant motion.  How many of us wouldn't know what to do with our time if we didn't have our internet ready cellphone always at hand to entertain us?  Even if you use it to make you more efficient in your job, or to educate yourself (both of which are admirable activities) you may still be rushing too much and missing things.  To our detriment multitasking has become commonplace.

     Take time to smell the roses.  Seriously.  This world is full of wonderful and beautiful things that many if not most of us pass by.  I'm not saying you need to be a nature lover or anything, but take time to appreciate life.  Doing so will relieve stress and give your mind time to clear so that you can be more efficient and more healthy.  "Mind wandering", or thinking about other things rather than being "in the moment", has been shown to cause unhappiness.

     Go on a walk, either alone or with a friend.  Have a picnic in a park with your loved one(s).  Go cloud-watching.  Take time to go talk to an old friend rather than send a hasty message.  Put your phone on silent and have a nice dinner with your family.  Whatever it is find something to relax you.  You'll be happier, less stressed, and be able to perform better.

     We all know how important it is to give our bodies rest, so why don't we give our minds rest too?  Give it a try, and then when your mind is refreshed take some time to just think about life.  Think about what's really important.  Think about how you can improve.  Think about some of the problems facing society as a whole and how we can fix them rather than just complain about them on our Facebook page.

     Its a simple thing, and simple things are simple to do.

Remember Who You Are

     To those familiar with Disney's "The Lion King" this may seem a cliche title, but the lesson that it teaches is profound.  Simba had run away from his life and the kingdom he was supposed to inherit.  Though rightfully a king he chose the life of an outcast because of fear.  His deceased father told Simba that he needed to remember who he was and go and take his kingdom that had been corrupted by his power-hungry uncle.
     While we are not kings, we each have values and desires that define who we are and who we want to be.   Often we do things that we don't feel good about and we wish that we could do better.  More important than simply doing better is being better.  If we are striving to be the person we want to be then the things that we want to do as that person will naturally come.  If we work to become a king, then we will do kingly things.  On the other hand if we work to become scum, then we will do despicable things.
     Decide what is important to you and what you want to accomplish in life, then decide what kind of person would do those things.  Work every day to become that person.  Ask yourself "Who am I?" and answer yourself with the kind of person you are striving to be.  Whenever you have to decide if you want to do something or not ask yourself "Am I the kind of person who would do that?"  If the answer is no then don't do it.  When you know who you are making choices becomes much simpler because the answers are already inside of you.
     Who you are and who you want to be don't necessarily have to be constant.  As you advance through life, you may decide that different values are important to you and you need to be a different person in order to fulfill those things.  Take care and time in deciding who you are.  Be sure that the answer to your question of who you are is always one that will lead you to happiness and even greater heights than you are now.
     Some of us define who we are by our family.  Others by organizations they belong to.  Others by religion.
     I define myself by values that have become important to me, my religion, and titles I have earned that have special meaning to me.

Who am I?

I am Quinn Thomson

I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

I live by:

Love,

Honor,

Respect,

Service,

And Truth.

I am an Eagle Scout and a brotherhood member of the Order of the Arrow

I am a son of God, 

And a brother and disciple of Jesus Christ.

     We are each unique individuals with unique capabilities.  Though we are diverse I know that each of us have the potential for greatness if we can remember who we are and what we are capable of.  Never forget who you are.